Things are pretty hard for me right now. I just wish things with Nate and I could be more simple. How do you treat someone who you were supposedly completly in love with with such disrespect and hate? I keep feeling like such a fool to be so in love with a man that could obviously care less about me. I wasnt even ready to give up 100% when I left- I thought of it more as a wake up call for him to realize what he was losing. I guess there is a part of me thats a hopeless romantic that thought maybe- just maybe- he would fight for me. That he would do everything and anything he could to save our marriage.
He didnt even wait 2 weeks before making the decision to file for divorce...a whole week and a half was enough time for him to realize he was done. Ouch is all I have to say to that.
Im not trying to have a pity party, this just sucks. I know I deserve so much better than this. But no matter whats been said or done he is still my husband, I chose him out of everyone to be my spouse, I chose him to be the one Id wake up to every morning and to fall asleep next to every night. I chose him to be the Father of my children, I chose HIM to be the one to complete me. I miss him. But I dont like this man he has become, I miss the man I fell in love with, I miss the butterflies and excitement Id get from his touch, I miss the man who said he would do anything for me, the man who said I was the only thing that made him happy. I miss all of that.
Ive got so many things that need to be done now and I am scared to death, I do not want to fight him in court, I dont want to be mean, I just want this to be done so I can move on since he is obviously moving on and away from me. I wish I could talk to him. Or see him, something. Even though I know- he is not the same person at all. The last time I got to hear his voice it didnt even sound like him. There was so much anger in his tone- ugh.
I dont want to ask "why me" because I know there is a perfect reason for everything that comes our way. I just wish this could be easier.
But one thing is for sure, I could not have greater people surrounding me, I love all my friends and family who have been here for me. Thank you all of you for everything.
Erica, I know things are so rough right now but hang in there. One day you will find your true companion and you will never be happier!!!! Let me know if I can do anything for you!
ReplyDeleteI thought i posted but then looked and it wasn't there. But i'm sorry to hear about all this! You will come out of this so much stronger and happier! I'm in Utah, we should do lunch or something sometime! Take care!
ReplyDeleteErica, I am so sorry you have to go through what you are. I had know idea how things have been for you. I wish there was something I can do or say that can make things better. Im happy that you are with your family and friends. Let me know if you need anything and i'll ket you know if i need my hair done. Good luck and stay postitive :)
ReplyDeleteSo while reading your post it made me think of how most men deal with pain.... with anger. It made me wonder if he could be hurting to but he only knows how to deal with it one way. Now, I am NOT saying that wjat he's doing to you is okay or called for, it just makes me wonder. Ya know? Erica, as long as your doing what you can and the things your Heavenly Father asks of you, then that's all you can do. You can not choose for him. But if he's not doing what he should to be kepping the covenant that he made with you and the Lord, then he's at fault. All I can say is, keep going to he temple. There is so much peace to be found there, even if it's not in a session. Go sit in the celestial room or even just the temple grounds. If you and Nate are not ever going to work things out, just remember that there are always second chances. There's always another door to open. There's always a reason to be happy. You just need to find it. Our prayers are with you. Have faith. Love ya.
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